The Beauty of Your peace: Reflections on the beauty of Solitude (Sabbatical Part One-Colorado)

     After almost 9 years of ministry (13 if you count college), and leading for 5, I was blessed with the gift of a month long sabbatical. As I approach the end of my first 2 weeks, sitting here over-looking the rolling hills of Granby Ranch, nestled in the Rocky Mountains, and surrounded by snow capped peaks, I choose to stop and reflect on the past weeks.

            I have been enamored by beauty for the past 2 weeks, lost in the grips of space and peace.  This was exactly what I needed, even if I didn’t know it! I tried for weeks to find a friend who could join me, fearing a couple weeks of solitude. Yet the moment I found myself on the open road and in the middle of nowhere on my drive to Colorado, I knew that there was something to space and solitude that would touch my heart.  It was like I could breathe-fresh, un-crowded, uncluttered, pressure free air. Alone with my thoughts and prayers I found myself sinking into the freedom and peace that space brings. (And I hadn’t even reached my destination yet!).

            I arrived in Granby, Co, unaware of how desolate and small this town was.  Besides a grocery store, not a restaurant was open, this being the off -season. I quickly panicked, wondering what I got myself into.  Escaping into my condo and opening the blinds my heart leaped for joy! What a view! Rolling, bright, green hills, enchanting clouds that make you pause in wonder, and silence. As a fox greeted me while unpacking my car, I realized that the depth of solitude I was about to experience would be unlike anything I had ever encountered before.  Should I run away and change plans, or embrace and welcome what awaited me?

            Embrace I did, and I jumped up and down in my condo with joy, gratitude and excitement. A fireplace, a view to take your breath away, a cozy couch, and a personal hot tub to soak my stress away! Who could ask for a better set up!  Not only that, but I knew that there was something that the Lord had for me in this breathtakingly beautiful yet desolate place. I decided to move past my fears and questions, and simply embrace what is.

            Over the past 2 weeks I have traversed on isolated trails, breathing fresh air, discovering waterfalls, lakes, aspen tress, and wildlife. My heart has beat wildly with paranoia and adrenaline as I have hiked by myself, alone in the woods.  Yet even though I would jump at every noise and wind filled rustle of the trees, I also found myself enraptured by the beauty surrounding me on all sides.  There was something so empowering in facing my fear of being alone in the woods, if only to behold the beauty and reverence that awaited me there.  The challenge of a hike, the refreshing exercise, the solitude in the wilderness, and the moments of reflection and prayer sitting by streams, valleys, meadows, and crashing waterfalls, all added to this sense of delight, pleasure, and peace in which I sweetly communed with my creator.           

            There were also serene moments of joy and delight as I explored cute little mountain towns, traveled the narrow roads of national parks, and sat by lakes reading.  The goal was to enjoy and to rest. And daily, with gratitude, I accomplished that goal.  I slept in, slowly enjoyed my morning coffee, read, cooked, watched girly movies, wrote in my journal, laughed, learned, reflected, and once again found sweet connection with God.

            I knew that I needed this time, and knew that Colorado would offer me all my favorite things. What I did not know was that I could deeply enjoy solitude and silence. I did not know that I could delight in being alone, for so long.  But there was peace, pleasure, strength, encouragement, and growth in every day here.  What a sweet gift this has been. I can honestly say that is has been overwhelmingly peaceful.

            There is something so sweet to be found in the moments when we pull away from the chaos, noise, clutter, opinions, demands and needs of everyone and everything around us.  I am so easily swayed and give in so quickly to all of the above.  And after doing so for years, I found myself exhausted, weary, and confused.  Who was I supposed to be? I felt as if I had given myself away, piece by piece, to anyone who asked for it. All the while loosing my ability to ground myself in who I was lovingly created to be.  So as my sabbatical approached, I knew that it was my lifeline, a month to heal and rediscover what I have been missing.

            And what have I found amidst all of the profound beauty, space, peace and adventure of the majestic Colorado Mountains?  I have found the joy of taking delight and pleasure in small things. I have found how much God desires just for us to enjoy his company, and commune with him. I have discovered the importance of pulling away from the demands and opinions of others to reorient myself to God given rhythms and values. To pause, reflect, breathe, and rediscover who I was created to be. And for the first time in my life, I am no longer fearful of being alone. Quite the opposite actually, I have found and embraced my true introvert self, and enjoyed it!

            May I choose to pull away often, even for brief moments, or a weekend, to find this sweet gift over and over again. May I learn to reorient my life to this way of living and this pace of life so that I can face demands, needs and opinions with a deeper strength, joy, grace and peace.  I am filled with immense gratitude for my time here in Colorado, and I look forward with anticipation to the next 2 weeks at home, as I continue on this journey of sabbatical.