Tug of War

     Remember the game of Tug of War that you played every summer at camp? The thrill of the game, the cheering of the crowd, the ache in your arms as you pull with all your might, and the rope burn on your hands as you either stand victorious or slump in defeat. Those were some fun days, especially since at the end of it all, it was just a silly game.

     This past week my mind and heart have been in a game of tug of war, and I wish I could laugh it off  like a silly game. But deep down I know that this game in my life actually matters. It is the difference between living in freedom, embracing who I really am, or living in defeat-slumping my head in shame. Freedom or defeat, victory or shame-this battle actually matters.

     Quite a few years ago a very wise woman taught me about the power that our thoughts have.  There are so many messages that run through our minds each and every day, many are pretty destructive, but they barely whisper to us, so we might not even pay attention to them.  But this wise woman taught me to pay attention, and not only that, but to go to war with them.  I began to hear how many awful things I was believing or thinking about myself and I knew that something needed to change.  I was so used to just letting those fleeting thoughts run on by without much notice.  But the thing is, they are not fleeting at all.  They sink their feet firmly into the ground and pull on the rope with all their might, pulling you further and further away from the truth of who you really are. They bring hopelessness, insecurity, destruction, defeat, shame.  And all too often I let them win, cheering loudly in victory and raising their banner high gloating in their prize-another fallen opponent, defeated in the mud.
     However, this week I recognized their familiar taunt, and have decided to fight back, to roll up my sleeves, dig my heels in the mud and pull with all my might, so as not to slump my shoulders in defeat.  And although it has been a long and dirty fight, I chose to stand in victory.  You see, the lies and insecurities did not pull me under, I did not let them define who I really am. And although they are still there taunting me, I am choosing to fight and for now, I will take that as a win.  Choosing to fight in the battle for my mind and my thoughts, and how I will see myself, that is another pathway to freedom.